Should You Text Your Ex? 5 Things to Ask Yourself First

Let’s not pretend we haven’t all been there.

It’s late. You’re alone. You’ve had a drink—or a memory. And suddenly your thumb hovers over their name in your contacts. Maybe it’s “just to check in.” Maybe you want closure. Maybe you miss the sex, the laughs, or the person you thought they were.

So should you text your ex?

Well… maybe. But probably not.

Before you fire off that “hey…” — ask yourself these five questions. Real questions. The kind that save you from emotional whiplash and regret with a side of tequila shame.

1️⃣ What Do You Really Want from This Text?

Are you hoping they’ll say they miss you? That they’ve changed? That ghosting you was a “mistake” and they’ve done deep therapy work in the last 3 weeks?

Or are you lonely, bored, horny, or trying to prove you still matter to someone who didn’t treat you like you did?

If your honest answer is validation, not conversation — put the damn phone down.

2️⃣ Would You Want Them Back—Exactly As They Were?

Not the fantasy version. Not the “they had potential” version. Not the Instagram highlights.

I’m talking about the real deal: the lies, the gaslighting, the flaking, the emotional immaturity, the manipulation, the hot-and-cold crap that made you feel like you were losing your mind.

If you wouldn’t take them back as-is today, then why are you texting yesterday’s mistake hoping for a different ending?

3️⃣ Have You Healed—Or Just Hit a Rough Patch?

Are you actually in a better place? Or are you lonely tonight and forgot what crying in your car at 2 a.m. felt like?

Big difference between missing someone and missing a feeling. If you haven’t healed, texting them is like picking a scab and wondering why it bleeds again.

Sometimes “I miss you” is just your trauma doing reruns.

4️⃣ How Did It End—and Have They Reached Out?

Did they disappear on you? Lie? Cheat? Manipulate? Was there zero closure or a storm of drama?

And more importantly — have they reached out since?

If they haven’t texted you, they’re either moving on or enjoying the power of silence. Don’t hand them more ego fuel. If they dumped you and haven’t looked back, your text won’t magically make them decent.

Closure isn’t something you beg for — it’s something you give yourself when you decide you’re done begging.

5️⃣ Would You Be Proud of Yourself Tomorrow?

Go ahead, imagine it. You text them. They respond — maybe. The conversation feels off. You spiral. You re-analyze every emoji. Or worse — they don’t respond at all.

Now imagine waking up the next day. Phone in hand. Regret in your chest. Dignity somewhere under the bed.

Is the 5 seconds of connection worth the days of self-doubt and backtracking? Be honest.

Final Thought

You can text your ex. You’re grown. Nobody’s stopping you.

But if you’re asking the question, deep down, you already know the answer.

You don’t need to reopen a chapter you barely survived just because your ego’s feeling nostalgic.

The version of you that wants to text them is not the version of you that healed. Choose wisely.