When You Miss Them But Know They Were Bad for You

Let’s get one thing clear: just because you miss someone doesn’t mean they were good for you. Missing someone toxic is like craving fast food when you’re trying to eat clean. You don’t miss the aftermath—you just miss the high.

I’ve been there. You tell yourself, “She wasn’t all bad.” You re-read old messages, scroll through photos, maybe even hear a song and feel a gut punch. Your brain starts rewriting history, and before you know it, you’re thinking about texting them.

Don’t.

Here’s the truth you need to hear—especially when your heart won’t shut up but your gut already knows:

1. Missing Them Doesn’t Mean You Should Go Back

Emotions aren’t facts. Missing someone doesn’t mean you made the wrong decision. It means you’re grieving a connection—even if it was unhealthy, uneven, or downright abusive. Missing them is just part of the detox.
It’s called withdrawal, not a sign from the universe.

2. You’re Addicted to the High, Not the Person

Toxic relationships have a nasty pattern: chaos, then calm. Fights, then great sex. Guilt, then charm. It’s a cycle that hooks you in and makes you associate pain with passion. That’s not love. That’s trauma bonding.
What you miss is the rollercoaster. Not the person who strapped you in and walked away.

3. Stop Romanticizing the Good Moments

They laughed at your jokes. They knew your favorite coffee. They had this look when they were vulnerable. Sure. But they also gaslit you, ghosted you, made you feel like you were hard to love. That’s the full picture.
You can miss the good without pretending the bad didn’t exist.

4. Memory Has a Filter—and It’s Lying to You

When you’re lonely, memory becomes a selective little bastard. It turns arguments into “misunderstandings,” emotional abuse into “they were just hurt,” and red flags into “maybe I overreacted.” Stop. You didn’t.
If it was bad for your mental health, it was bad—period.

5. Ask Yourself: What Do I Actually Miss?

Do you miss them… or do you miss being wanted? Do you miss who they were… or who you hoped they’d become? Half the time, we’re mourning potential, not reality. That’s like crying over a house you imagined but never lived in.
Miss what was real, not what was fantasy.

6. Missing Them Is Normal. Staying Stuck Isn’t.

You’re human. You connected. You cared. Of course you miss them. But don’t let that missing become your prison. Feel it. Then move. Cry, then go to the gym. Hurt, then make plans. Let the ache walk beside you—but don’t let it steer the damn car.

7. Rebuild, One Day at a Time

The antidote to missing someone isn’t numbing out—it’s rebuilding your life without them in it. Piece by piece. Confidence. Routines. Joy. New energy. It’s not glamorous, but it’s real.
Each day you don’t text them? That’s you healing. Quietly. Powerfully.

Final Thought

You’re allowed to miss someone and still know they were wrong for you. That’s not weakness—it’s wisdom with a heartbeat. Just don’t let missing them fool you into thinking you lost something worth keeping.
Sometimes the thing you miss was never really love—it was just familiar pain. Also, you miss the fun potions, not the toxicity.
Choose peace. Miss them from a distance. And move the hell on.